HIGH-VALUE MAN
Kevin Samuels, a famous black online image consultant, is reported to have coined the phrase of High-Value Man, which today refers to a man of means and influence. A high-value man epitomises masculinity, charm, leadership and sophistication. Such a man is a man of means and power, loved by women, revered by men, and moves gallantly through life’s challenges with courage and pride.
High-value men are perceived to be more attractive and have more personality traits that make them desirable. They typically have excellent social skills, good body language, and charisma that can benefit them in many ways. While these men may not necessarily be rich or powerful, they usually are more attractive. They have more access to resources than average men, which can translate into several benefits for the high-value man, such as an easier time finding romantic partners, a higher likelihood of being hired for a position, and more opportunities to advance within an organisation. However, it is essential to note that there is no one way to become a high-value man. There is some variation in exactly what makes someone a high-value man. It may be down to physical appearance or personality traits rather than money or power.
A high-value man is not needy. He is detached and does not seek validation or approval. Instead, he wants to lead by example, be a source of inspiration and demonstrate his value through his actions rather than relying on words. He doesn’t need anyone else’s approval because he knows he is enough. High-value men are genuinely independent and are not afraid to be their authentic selves to attract the right woman.
From our childhood, we depend on external validation to enable us to find out if we are doing well in life. Whenever we accomplish something or do some excellent job we tend to look to our parents to congratulate us and pat us on our back for doing a good job. We also expect them to praise us when sharing our creations and grades in school. All this, in a way, maybe necessary because it helps us to work with others and collaborate when we enter adulthood. However, it becomes a problem when we count solely on external validation as a measure of success and stop listening to our inner voice to decide how we are doing.
When we depend exclusively on external validation, we stop ourselves from doing many things. We may stop ourselves from expressing our authentic selves, fearing what others may think of us. We may also alter our thoughts or beliefs based on others’ feelings rather than what we believe. Most importantly, we might stop ourselves from creating in a way that feels true to our identity. We live in an age of technology, causing social isolation and intensifying our need for external validation. Social media especially gives one an instant dopamine hit when someone likes the post and destroys one’s confidence and mood if one gets trolled or doesn’t get likes.
The more we lean on external validation in our lives, the more it can lead to a feeling of disconnection from ourselves that can leave us aggrieved and disappointed. Depending on others’ approval can leave us feeling depressed and cut short our potential. Turning to others constantly to feel good is harmful and unhealthful. We could self-validate better by turning inwards instead of seeking approval from the outside or reframing our negative thoughts.
When we aren’t sure we are enough, we seek external validation. We hunger for others to tell us that what we are doing is good or that we are accepted. We must work on our relationship with ourselves to enhance and love ourselves. We often criticise ourselves. If we peek within with kindness and understanding, we start to improve our relationship with ourselves. We will stop looking outside to determine how we are doing.
We must reflect on our past achievements often for our well-being. We tend to focus on the future and lack in our lives, which makes us feel more disenchanted with ourselves, the antidote for which is to stop and take note of all the small achievements we have had so far. When we stop and take note of all the small accomplishments, we realise that we are doing better than what our mind leads us to believe. We see how far we have come. We remind ourselves of all that we have learned and, in the process, catch a glimpse of how much we have grown.
Most of us tend to seek validation, and the need exists on a wide-ranging spectrum of abandoning our rights and enduring abuse on one side to less pernicious habits of trying to impress someone to seeking benign approval to occasional compromise with others to keep the peace. When we win a prize, get a dream job, obtain a promotion, or earn a medal, we can’t wait to share it with those we love. We want to validate our wins and celebrate them with those close to us.
People become people pleasers, because they seek validation from the outer world. Nice guys are nice to the world predominantly because they want to be liked and accepted. The more they put their power energy in the outer world, the more they lose it. A high-value man has high value because he is completely himself. What do I mean by that? When he talks to a girl, he is not thinking of getting rejected because he doesn’t need her. He is looking for a good time to enjoy her company, not to impress her head. She holds very little to no power over him. Remember, we lose our value when we give our power to the outer world. Therefore it is we who are giving the outer world any bribing power or manipulation opportunity. If we refuse to get sold, they can’t bite you no matter how much they have. A high-value man is simply a man’s ability to fulfill himself without needing anything external. A modest amount of value is completely mental. It is a person’s energy and self-image that gives others a signal as to how to treat them. So in simple terms, it is detachment. This is the predominant ingredient in a high-value man’s energy.
He’s detached from outcomes because he knows there is an unlimited supply of everything in this world. enough women, money opportunities to go around, enough friends to not need to bend the knee to one person or job. He values his freedom above all else because FREEDOM is detachment from all sorts of bondages in this world. And the paradox is when a man has this detached, his chances of failure also diminish. The more he is detached. The more he seems to get it. The more open he is to losing a woman, the more open he can love her, and the closer she is to him, the more carefree he is about money and the more money and wealth he seems to make. That is the greatest paradox to our human mind, but not to the divine mind. The divine mind gives you more focus, so when you desperately try to get someone to love you, you are focused on them not loving you. Hence the divine mind looks at your energy of lack and gives more of what you’re focused on. This is why the better it gets, the better it gets. A man who has a woman can easily get more attention from other women. The rich man gets bigger and better opportunities to amass even more wealth. Why? Because they are not lacking. A man who has a woman has no lack of women friends. It’s not a lack of a man who has money. It’s not a lack of, so the nice guy’s energy is lacking. Well, the high-value man’s energy is detachment.
Detachment is akin to an abundance mindset. You can only detach from outcomes if you have a mindset that there are infinite outcomes. So I will get what I want one way or another. So detached from lack thus, they get more. Now you don’t need to have these external things to feel detached. Because these external things only help you express the innate value you have within all along. Just stop trading your value with lack. That’s all the opposite of lack will automatically manifest so long as you remove your attention from any lack. And then, the paradox comes into play. The more you let go of things, the more they come to you and the more carefree to become in your interactions. The more you detach from trying to make money desperately, and the more your mind presents you with easy ideas for making money. Remember, lack is what gives the other world buying power to buy your value from you in return for bread crumbs. If you don’t feel the desperate need to have something, you don’t need to buy it. And you can only operate this way when you let go of any lack and become detached; then we’re talking amendments all that you want. Remember, I am not saying that you stop desiring things, but the opposite of desiring things with detachment means that is coming from a place of abundance and devoid of lack. You can desire to have a beautiful girl in your life, but know that there are billions and billions of them, you can attract one without the desperate need for her to complete you or to raise your value that nothing outside of you will because we’re the source, the outer world is a reflection. Your energy is what brings people, circumstances and opportunities into your life. You feel insecure about people that come into your life to validate; you feel poor circumstances will happen in your life to validate this feeling. If you feel whole, the world will ensure that you have everything that reflects wholeness. You see the paradox, the more you hold yourself, the more it’s added to you, the more you feel and complete yourself, and the more it’s taken from you. And this is why nice guys finish last and high-value men seem to have; this is why there is such a huge polarity between the haves and have-nots. So to express your high value, start detaching yourself from outcomes and enjoying the process. Start enjoying the process of talking to a girl when you are not trying to get her. She comes to you by her elbow. When you desperately try to get her, she feels repelled. When you desperately try to be liked, and you try hard and you become creepy. But you will seem charming when you’re just yourself without any insecurities in the background. That is all there is to it when you value yourself rather than deriving your value from the outer world. You express the energy of the high-value man
A high-value man’s world revolves around his axis. He doesn’t look for someone’s permission to do things in life. His drive and his world come from inside him. He has his worldview and sticks to it by disregarding all the chaos of the outer world. He stays focused on one thing till that one thing gets done. Elon Musk may help you paint a better picture in your mind of what it means to disregard the chaos of the world and stick to the so-called insanity. A man of low value looks for others’ opinions and advice on what he is trying to do. Hence he fails even when he is highly ambitious. His own family may not stand with him. A high-value man does not seek validation for his ideas. That is why low-value men can never come up with something exciting. The people discussing their ideas are most likely the naysayers who do not see the possibilities and therefore get discouraged and get their ideas shot down. But high-value men know how to capture and steward their ship with firmness and passion. If they fail, then try again. They drive themselves by educating themselves. They learn from the winners by reading their books, and by following the leaders who have made it and gaining all sorts of knowledge regarding their passion by never looking back.
And once they are on course, the right people will join them to push them. They develop their drive and lead from within to detach from the masses. A high-value man does not identify himself with the groups. He gets deeply immersed in his world, and he sees the world through his lens. His lens could appear broken to the masses, so it is only natural for him not to identify with the mass’s mentality. Thus he seeks answers and follows his curiosity. You can guess such a man will end up in totally different circumstances than the masses, perhaps quite wealthy `So the first thing you need to become a high-value man is to divorce conformity. Stop trying to fit in with the folks who want to complain and blame the world. When you break this lens, you see your true worth and what you are capable of. And high-value man has high value for the very reason that what he has to offer is rare. And if you’re like everybody else, then you will be valued like everybody else. All the traits that make you look like you need something outside of yourself to make you feel valued rob a person of his value. A high-value man is honest with himself and has eliminated the weeds hindering his growth. Because by the very definition of value, a person’s value declines when he feels not enough and looks outside of himself to feel content. He is not to be mistaken as a loner, antisocial, high-value, or lousy boy because these individuals also try to cope with their inner inadequacies by acting out a certain way. A high-value man revolves around his axis, and others revolve around him, like planets revolving around the sun, generating their gravitational pull. He becomes attractive, not a chaser, as he magnetises everything towards him.
Not to say that he becomes arrogant and does not even listen to others but always values others’ advice. A high value man is attractive because he is not chasing money and fame. It is all just a byproduct. A high-value man who is driven and works continuously on himself cannot get shaken by the outside world. A man like that doesn’t have to brag by showing his Ferrari, Gucci, or Jimmy Choo to ladies. His whole being screams of high value and dependability. And like the moth drawn to the flame, the entire world will get attracted to revolve around his axis. Just be cautious of all the low-value behaviours we have adopted and detach from them. When you become conscious, the low-value behaviour will start losing its power. Stand tall and put your chest out. You’re going to have everything inside to become a high-value man
A high-value man does not need you to validate him because he is already highly valued. A high-value man is not needy. He is detached and does value himself. He doesn’t require you to tell him that he’s excellent. He knows it, and so do others. No minor roles exist in a high-value man’s personality because his character gets set in stone. He figures out what he wants and how to get it. When he sets his mind to it, he has the confidence and self-esteem to know he can attract women. He can also be open to others and accept them for who they are without judging them or trying to change them. A high-value man will not make you feel small because he appreciates your uniqueness and personality.There are many ways to become a high-value man. First, you must learn to set boundaries, which means you must know when to say no. You must also know when to let go of unhealthy relationships and toxic people who bring you down. Lastly, it would help if you surround yourself with positive people who inspire and support you. To attract a high-value woman into your life, becoming a high-value man is essential.
Dr. K. Jayanth Murali is an IPS Officer belonging to 1991 batch. He is borne on Tamil Nadu cadre. He lives with his family in Chennai, India. He is currently serving the Government of Tamil Nadu as Director General of Police, Idol Wing CID, Chennai.